Tues. Sept. 2, 2008

9/2/08
Well, a new month, summer is over, and back to school for the kids. Where is the time going? It's been brought to my attention that at least one person stopped reading the updates, because I'm just too positive in what I'm writing about Kenn. They don't think he will recover anymore since he is out 3 1/2 years from the accident. Dr. Mickey, from Clearview, has said that it's old school to think if someone hasn't recovered from a brain injury by one year after the accident that they will never recover. He has seen so many more recover years after the accident, because the body needs time to recover. Some of his doctors have told me not to give up on him, because each person recovers differently and who knows what God has in store. This person also thinks that I'm imagining he is responding, even though some of the nurses have said they see a change in him when I'm there and he responds more to me, than to them. Even people who visit Kenn when I'm there have seen the way he responds to me when I do things to him. So I'm not making believe he's responding. Yes, it's not as much as I would like, it's all in God's timing. So if you'd like to visit Kenn, when I can be there so you can see if he responds let me know. Yes, he does have times where he just wants to sleep my whole visit. More than one person just recently has said it would have been better if he had died. It wasn't his time to die. Had Kenn died, then all the people who have been impacted by all that has gone on since the accident would not have happened. Also, some have said, that I'm writing too much of what I'm doing and what I'm going through, even though people have asked me to, so they know how to pray. I've had people say I should be more social. Being around people much is a constant reminder, that I can't do things with my mate or share everyday with him things that are going on, and that he can't talk to me. This was a big revelation to me this weekend at the family gathering. I found it hard listening to family members talking about things they did with their mate or what their mate said and so I felt so lost because everyone that was married had their mate there. I was the only one without. That was very hard to deal with and it brought emotions. That is why I go off by myself, because I need time to collect my emotions before they get full blown and so out of control. At least one person has said they don't visit Kenn because they have a hard time seeing him sitting there that way. I probably have a harder time, because he is my mate, but I can't let him sit there without any visitors to die. Sometimes I cry, because it hurts so much seeing him that way, but you know what, it's not about me and it's not about Kenn, but what God is trying to bring out of all this. There has been so many wonderful things brought about because of this accident and I can honestly say, that I wouldn't change it for any thing. God has used this to inspire so many people all over the world, to turn to Him or have a closer relationship with Him. That in and of itself is wonderful, needless to say all of the other wonderful things that have come, because of it. It has made people realize that they need to appreciate their relationships, because you never know when something might happen to change it. I need some feed back from you who are still reading the updates as to what do you want to hear. Do you just want to hear about Kenn or do you want to also hear about what I'm doing and dealing with. I've even been accused of building a life apart from all this with Kenn. I guess some people think I should just be sitting having a pity party and deep in depression. I guess I'm just not sure any more what people want. I know I'm not going to please everyone. I just need to do what I feel God wants me to do and what helps me to go on with life everyday as best as I can.
I visited Kenn late Sun. afternoon. He was wide awake when I got there. When the nurse Mary, was in his room to give him his meds, she told me she notices he changes when I'm there. He responds more. She said, " look at the way he looking at you now." I have orange and purple highlights in my hair, and I asked him what do you think. He did move his eyes to look and then he frowned. He would even turn his head to the right sometimes to see me when I was talking on his right. He doesn't do this much. When we stopped on 2nd floor, to visit the nurse Barb, I was talking to another resident on his right. Barb said, "look at how he turned his head to the right to see you, because he heard your voice." When people visit Kenn, he doesn't recognize their voice like he does mine, because they aren't there as much as I am and when they are there, they don't talk to him as much as I do. When I'm there I talk to him alot and sometimes read to him. He doesn't even seem to recognize the boy's voice because they don't visit very often and when they do, they don't sit talking to him. I put Pastor's message on again about, "Faith." Did he sit listening with his eyes wide open. When we were outside, I was talking to him about saying something to me. He started moving his tongue and mouth, because I had told him to talk, he had to do that. I just kept encouraging him to keep trying. This Thurs. the 4th, Kenn turns 55. Thanks for your prayers.