Mon. July 21, 2008
7/21/08
A week ago yesterday I went to visit Kenn and he responded some. I walked with Kenn down Main St. to Loretta's house and sat visiting with her for awhile. It was so much fun to sit talking with her on her steps. We felt like we were teenagers talking about guys. She was telling me about the guy she's marrying. It was fun to see her so excited. I told her we had never talked like that before but it was fun and she agreed. She felt that God had told her, that Kenn would not be there in Juneau that much longer. She didn't know why but I found out the next day why. A week ago today, I got a call from a Shari, at Dane County Adult Protective Services, telling me that we had to find another place for Kenn by the end of the year. She had been told that Dodge County, where Juneau is located, would start charging Dane County a big fee as of the first of the new year if Kenn and the other two residents were still living at Clearview. Right now I understand that Dodge County has been picking up the tab for this fee. Worker's Comp is still paying the daily rate for Kenn to be there. This call just sent me into a tizzy because of what it all entails. I tried calling Pastor but couldn't get him so I called Loretta to tell her and she told me, not to let it bother me because God had it all under control. I finally got a hold of Pastor and talked to him for probably over an hour. God has me dealing with so many emotions and thoughts it's unreal. When I went to visit him yesterday, did I get hit with emotions. I found out Kenn had been storming on Sat. night and quit a bit yesterday. He was in bed when I got there. His face and neck were flushed. He was still a little sweaty. He did seem to look at me with his eyes when I would talk to him and he was sticking out his tongue some. I haven't seen him this way for a long time and it really got to me seeing him this way. I had my hand on his arm and when I took it away his arm was sweaty. The nurse came in and checked on him. She told me that he was looking much better than he had been. His left eye was blood shot some which is normal when he storms. I put Pastor's message on "Faith" for Kenn to listen to and I sat there watching him and cried. So many thoughts and emotions came flooding in me that it was so overwhelming. So many things that I've talked to Pastor about came into my mind. Some of them that I need to come to terms with but have been avoiding. I felt like I've let so many people down and I also felt like a wimp sitting crying. The turmoil going on inside was so gut wrenching. I just wanted to crawl into a hole, it hurt so bad. I had to pull off the road on the way home, because I was having a problem concentrating on driving and I called to talk with Pastor. He said he wasn't surprised I was dealing with it all. He knew it was going to happen sooner or later. It caught me so off guard. He told me that this is part of my ministry in ministering to people. I wrote 2 1/2 pages in my journal while sitting there with Kenn and then this morning another 2 1/2 pages. Pastor calls me a writeaholic now because I've been doing so much writing. Last night I felt so drained and exhausted. This morning I felt numb and I was glad to be on auto-pilot dealing with the girls. Pastor called this afternoon to check on me and make sure everything was going good. Pastor warned me that there's more to deal with where my emotions are concerned. There's a process I need to go through and different levels. Continue with the prayers because every day is still a struggle. God bless.
A week ago yesterday I went to visit Kenn and he responded some. I walked with Kenn down Main St. to Loretta's house and sat visiting with her for awhile. It was so much fun to sit talking with her on her steps. We felt like we were teenagers talking about guys. She was telling me about the guy she's marrying. It was fun to see her so excited. I told her we had never talked like that before but it was fun and she agreed. She felt that God had told her, that Kenn would not be there in Juneau that much longer. She didn't know why but I found out the next day why. A week ago today, I got a call from a Shari, at Dane County Adult Protective Services, telling me that we had to find another place for Kenn by the end of the year. She had been told that Dodge County, where Juneau is located, would start charging Dane County a big fee as of the first of the new year if Kenn and the other two residents were still living at Clearview. Right now I understand that Dodge County has been picking up the tab for this fee. Worker's Comp is still paying the daily rate for Kenn to be there. This call just sent me into a tizzy because of what it all entails. I tried calling Pastor but couldn't get him so I called Loretta to tell her and she told me, not to let it bother me because God had it all under control. I finally got a hold of Pastor and talked to him for probably over an hour. God has me dealing with so many emotions and thoughts it's unreal. When I went to visit him yesterday, did I get hit with emotions. I found out Kenn had been storming on Sat. night and quit a bit yesterday. He was in bed when I got there. His face and neck were flushed. He was still a little sweaty. He did seem to look at me with his eyes when I would talk to him and he was sticking out his tongue some. I haven't seen him this way for a long time and it really got to me seeing him this way. I had my hand on his arm and when I took it away his arm was sweaty. The nurse came in and checked on him. She told me that he was looking much better than he had been. His left eye was blood shot some which is normal when he storms. I put Pastor's message on "Faith" for Kenn to listen to and I sat there watching him and cried. So many thoughts and emotions came flooding in me that it was so overwhelming. So many things that I've talked to Pastor about came into my mind. Some of them that I need to come to terms with but have been avoiding. I felt like I've let so many people down and I also felt like a wimp sitting crying. The turmoil going on inside was so gut wrenching. I just wanted to crawl into a hole, it hurt so bad. I had to pull off the road on the way home, because I was having a problem concentrating on driving and I called to talk with Pastor. He said he wasn't surprised I was dealing with it all. He knew it was going to happen sooner or later. It caught me so off guard. He told me that this is part of my ministry in ministering to people. I wrote 2 1/2 pages in my journal while sitting there with Kenn and then this morning another 2 1/2 pages. Pastor calls me a writeaholic now because I've been doing so much writing. Last night I felt so drained and exhausted. This morning I felt numb and I was glad to be on auto-pilot dealing with the girls. Pastor called this afternoon to check on me and make sure everything was going good. Pastor warned me that there's more to deal with where my emotions are concerned. There's a process I need to go through and different levels. Continue with the prayers because every day is still a struggle. God bless.
posted by kenn-winrich-support at
8:09 PM
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