Thurs. Jan. 21, 2010
1/21/10
WOW!! Where do I start. Sat. the 16, we had the Winrich Christmas gathering. We were supposed to meet at City View Nursing Home, where Kenn's mom is at, about 10:30 a.m. I talked to Pastor earlier in the week about going there. He said he didn't advise it, because the way I was talking, he said you're not ready to do that, and it will mess you up for the rest of the day emotionally. I meet the family for lunch at World Buffet, and on the way there, the tears were trying to take over. After lunch, we went out to Janet's to go over some of their dad's stuff. I wanted to run out of there so many times. I was fighting the tears off and on. They had found some pictures of Kenn, and our boys when they were younger. The past was trying to claim me big time. Sun. late afternoon, I went to visit Kenn. My gosh, it was a tough visit for me. It's been a long time since a visit has been that hard. It's kind of hard to put into words, but I totally lost it emotionally, and probably not thinking rationally. He was so alert, and focusing. It brought out feelings, and desires that haven't been there for a long time. I was there with him for 4 hours, and then I didn't want to leave. I was even considering staying or taking him with me if I could have. I sat in the car crying in the parking lot, after I left him, because I didn't trust myself to drive. The feelings were so intense, I was wishing they would just go away. Pastor had told me to call him when I left there to come back home. I didn't really want to talk to him or anyone, but I called him anyway. He said I didn't sound good at all. He got upset with me for still being there at 10:15p.m. in the condition I was in. He said it's not safe. He also told me not to do anything foolish, and told me to drive straight home. God got me home safe. When I got home, I couldn't even bring myself to come into the house for a good half hour. I could tell I was still dealing with emotions on Mon. I didn't even want to call Pastor, and talk to him about it, but I did. He told me, that he hasn't heard me that bad for a long time. He said the past was trying to claim me, because of all that went on Sat. at Janet's. He warned me I can't do that, because it's not good for me, or safe. Mon. I had no daycare kids, but by mid-morning, the walls were closing in on me here. I had feelings of taking everything in the house and tossing it out, because of the thoughts, and memories with it. I left the house to do some errands. I pray that I never feel everything that I felt for those 3 days for a long time, if ever. Mon. afternoon, we finally got our old phone number working again, after I sat on the phone with ATT for over 1 hour. Our home phone number hasn't been working for just over 1 month, because of switching cable services. Kenn hasn't done any storming for over a year. WOW!!! God is good!! I had to wait till today to write this update, because it's hard to write about those 3 days. Pastor told me that's why it's so important for me to stay go plugged into God. He also understands why I struggle if something like worship team practice is canceled, because I was expecting the practice to keep my mind occupied for a few hours, so the thoughts, and memories don't come, and bring with it emotions, or depression. Most evenings, I'm not home, because that's the hardest time for me to deal with, being I know that's the time many couples are home spending time together. This morning, I had an appointment with a lawyer about Kenn's IRA. I thought the last form, that Fidelity had me fill out back in Nov. was going to give me control over his IRA account, but it didn't. They sent me a letter telling me that won't work. I've been trying between 6 months-1year to get control of his account, and no matter what form I fill out, none has been the right one. Now today, the representative, told the lawyer after doing alittle research on his account, I do have control. All of the hassles I've dealt with in the last year to do with this could have been avoided. Pastor told me there's a season for all things, like he's talked about in his messages. Pastor showed up at the meeting, in case I needed some advise. He said he was impressed with the way I handled it all. I talked very confidently, and stayed very focused. Now I need to meet with my financial adviser to get it moved out of that company. Praise God He showed up, and showed out in that meeting this morning. I got a letter from Clearview, telling me there is some changes coming up, and if Dane County doesn't want to join some committee, then I might have to look at moving Kenn. So that would give me a reason to move him closer, if St. Mary's will accept him . Also, the therapy dept. at Clearview is working on getting Kenn some new hand, and arm braces. Worker's Comp can't understand why he needs new ones. He's had these for about 5 years, and they are starting to break down. Like they will last forever. It's funny how Worker's Comp seems to think they need to fight everything. God is in control, and not Worker's Comp. Thanks for the continued prayers. I sure can use them. God bless.
WOW!! Where do I start. Sat. the 16, we had the Winrich Christmas gathering. We were supposed to meet at City View Nursing Home, where Kenn's mom is at, about 10:30 a.m. I talked to Pastor earlier in the week about going there. He said he didn't advise it, because the way I was talking, he said you're not ready to do that, and it will mess you up for the rest of the day emotionally. I meet the family for lunch at World Buffet, and on the way there, the tears were trying to take over. After lunch, we went out to Janet's to go over some of their dad's stuff. I wanted to run out of there so many times. I was fighting the tears off and on. They had found some pictures of Kenn, and our boys when they were younger. The past was trying to claim me big time. Sun. late afternoon, I went to visit Kenn. My gosh, it was a tough visit for me. It's been a long time since a visit has been that hard. It's kind of hard to put into words, but I totally lost it emotionally, and probably not thinking rationally. He was so alert, and focusing. It brought out feelings, and desires that haven't been there for a long time. I was there with him for 4 hours, and then I didn't want to leave. I was even considering staying or taking him with me if I could have. I sat in the car crying in the parking lot, after I left him, because I didn't trust myself to drive. The feelings were so intense, I was wishing they would just go away. Pastor had told me to call him when I left there to come back home. I didn't really want to talk to him or anyone, but I called him anyway. He said I didn't sound good at all. He got upset with me for still being there at 10:15p.m. in the condition I was in. He said it's not safe. He also told me not to do anything foolish, and told me to drive straight home. God got me home safe. When I got home, I couldn't even bring myself to come into the house for a good half hour. I could tell I was still dealing with emotions on Mon. I didn't even want to call Pastor, and talk to him about it, but I did. He told me, that he hasn't heard me that bad for a long time. He said the past was trying to claim me, because of all that went on Sat. at Janet's. He warned me I can't do that, because it's not good for me, or safe. Mon. I had no daycare kids, but by mid-morning, the walls were closing in on me here. I had feelings of taking everything in the house and tossing it out, because of the thoughts, and memories with it. I left the house to do some errands. I pray that I never feel everything that I felt for those 3 days for a long time, if ever. Mon. afternoon, we finally got our old phone number working again, after I sat on the phone with ATT for over 1 hour. Our home phone number hasn't been working for just over 1 month, because of switching cable services. Kenn hasn't done any storming for over a year. WOW!!! God is good!! I had to wait till today to write this update, because it's hard to write about those 3 days. Pastor told me that's why it's so important for me to stay go plugged into God. He also understands why I struggle if something like worship team practice is canceled, because I was expecting the practice to keep my mind occupied for a few hours, so the thoughts, and memories don't come, and bring with it emotions, or depression. Most evenings, I'm not home, because that's the hardest time for me to deal with, being I know that's the time many couples are home spending time together. This morning, I had an appointment with a lawyer about Kenn's IRA. I thought the last form, that Fidelity had me fill out back in Nov. was going to give me control over his IRA account, but it didn't. They sent me a letter telling me that won't work. I've been trying between 6 months-1year to get control of his account, and no matter what form I fill out, none has been the right one. Now today, the representative, told the lawyer after doing alittle research on his account, I do have control. All of the hassles I've dealt with in the last year to do with this could have been avoided. Pastor told me there's a season for all things, like he's talked about in his messages. Pastor showed up at the meeting, in case I needed some advise. He said he was impressed with the way I handled it all. I talked very confidently, and stayed very focused. Now I need to meet with my financial adviser to get it moved out of that company. Praise God He showed up, and showed out in that meeting this morning. I got a letter from Clearview, telling me there is some changes coming up, and if Dane County doesn't want to join some committee, then I might have to look at moving Kenn. So that would give me a reason to move him closer, if St. Mary's will accept him . Also, the therapy dept. at Clearview is working on getting Kenn some new hand, and arm braces. Worker's Comp can't understand why he needs new ones. He's had these for about 5 years, and they are starting to break down. Like they will last forever. It's funny how Worker's Comp seems to think they need to fight everything. God is in control, and not Worker's Comp. Thanks for the continued prayers. I sure can use them. God bless.
posted by kenn-winrich-support at
9:26 PM
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