Sun. Jan. 3, 2010
1/3/10
Happy New Year!! Sure doesn't seem like it should be another new year. It feels like we should still have some of last year left. Even others I've talked to feel the same way. The little granddaughter, Desiree, is growing, but Esther has to wear premee clothes on her, because she's petite. She's gained a few ounces, and has upped herself to taking about 3 ounces at times. They are planning to move back in this area at the end of this month, so it will be nice to have these grand kids around more. I have to see if I can find a place for them. Esther has specific orders from her doctor, not to help with any packing or moving, because of the stitches she has. She did a bunch of packing before the birth, but there's still lots to be done.
I went to visit Kenn in the afternoon on New Year's Day. He was so alert, and responding more than usual. He was sticking out his tongue shortly after I got there. I gave him some water on a spoon like I've done before, but he refused to swallow it, so I stopped giving it to him. He looked like he smiled when I was talking to him about something. He sat with his eyes wide open and was paying attention to what was being said in the CD message called, "You are what you think you are," by Pastor. I was showing him pictures that I took when in Green Bay of Desiree, and Mason, while talking to him about them. He seemed to be looking at them and then frowned. I put some new pictures of Desiree, and Mason, and the rest of them, up on Kenn's board, with some I had already put up a week ago. He seemed to be looking at the board with the pictures on when he was sitting there facing them. I didn't tell him to do any of these responses, but he did them on his own, which was great for me to see. Emotions were trying to take me over since New Year's Eve, because Kenn, and I used to go to House of Praise for their service and pray in the new year. It brought back memories, being at church this New Year's Eve, and seeing other couples there together. I sat crying after I got home, before I went to bed around 2 a.m. Then New Year's Day in the morning, I used to get up and start watching parades, and Kenn would come down when he woke up. We'd sit watching them together some years. It was hard to do these things by myself again. You'd think by now, that I'd be used to it, but I'm not. Pastor called me a little after noon to see how I was doing, because he could tell the night before I was struggling with emotions, and he could still hear it in my voice. He told me that I was strong, victorious, and that I was going to make it, which I knew. When I visited Kenn, New Year's Day, it was hard to see him sitting there trapped inside, and not being able to say a thing to me, like most times. He was sitting there looking at me, hoping I could read in his eyes what he was thinking. I had to turn away when tears ran down my cheek, but he caught a few before I could turn away, and he frowned at me, as if to say what's wrong. I told him I know this has been hard for him, but it's also been hard for me, too. I wouldn't change it for anything, if that makes any sense. I sat straddling his chair on his lap, and hugged him, which he seemed to enjoy. I'm so thankful, and grateful to God for getting me through the holidays, and everyday. I've had some people say it's so hard for them to see Kenn sitting there this way, so they don't want to visit him. It's not any easier for me either. This is my mate of 35 years. I think it's probably harder for me, but I just need to suck it up, because it's not about me, but what I need to do to keep him encouraged, keep him from getting depressed, and keep him from giving up. I've wanted to run from this responsibility so many times, that I can't even count, but this is my assignment for now. This is why I need to be so plugged into God, the fellowship, and doing ministry, to keep from being in self, and having a pity party, which is the worst thing I could do. I need to keep myself busy so I don't sit and dwell on memories. Maybe a lot of you can't understand this. I just know, if it wasn't for God, I would be long gone, or be in a mental institute some where. But,God has shown me, that I am being used by Him, to be an example to so many people through this. For me that's an honor, and a privilege to be used by God. I appreciate God so much for being my strength, because I can't do this myself. Praise God. Thank you so much, for the continued prayers. God bless all of you.
Happy New Year!! Sure doesn't seem like it should be another new year. It feels like we should still have some of last year left. Even others I've talked to feel the same way. The little granddaughter, Desiree, is growing, but Esther has to wear premee clothes on her, because she's petite. She's gained a few ounces, and has upped herself to taking about 3 ounces at times. They are planning to move back in this area at the end of this month, so it will be nice to have these grand kids around more. I have to see if I can find a place for them. Esther has specific orders from her doctor, not to help with any packing or moving, because of the stitches she has. She did a bunch of packing before the birth, but there's still lots to be done.
I went to visit Kenn in the afternoon on New Year's Day. He was so alert, and responding more than usual. He was sticking out his tongue shortly after I got there. I gave him some water on a spoon like I've done before, but he refused to swallow it, so I stopped giving it to him. He looked like he smiled when I was talking to him about something. He sat with his eyes wide open and was paying attention to what was being said in the CD message called, "You are what you think you are," by Pastor. I was showing him pictures that I took when in Green Bay of Desiree, and Mason, while talking to him about them. He seemed to be looking at them and then frowned. I put some new pictures of Desiree, and Mason, and the rest of them, up on Kenn's board, with some I had already put up a week ago. He seemed to be looking at the board with the pictures on when he was sitting there facing them. I didn't tell him to do any of these responses, but he did them on his own, which was great for me to see. Emotions were trying to take me over since New Year's Eve, because Kenn, and I used to go to House of Praise for their service and pray in the new year. It brought back memories, being at church this New Year's Eve, and seeing other couples there together. I sat crying after I got home, before I went to bed around 2 a.m. Then New Year's Day in the morning, I used to get up and start watching parades, and Kenn would come down when he woke up. We'd sit watching them together some years. It was hard to do these things by myself again. You'd think by now, that I'd be used to it, but I'm not. Pastor called me a little after noon to see how I was doing, because he could tell the night before I was struggling with emotions, and he could still hear it in my voice. He told me that I was strong, victorious, and that I was going to make it, which I knew. When I visited Kenn, New Year's Day, it was hard to see him sitting there trapped inside, and not being able to say a thing to me, like most times. He was sitting there looking at me, hoping I could read in his eyes what he was thinking. I had to turn away when tears ran down my cheek, but he caught a few before I could turn away, and he frowned at me, as if to say what's wrong. I told him I know this has been hard for him, but it's also been hard for me, too. I wouldn't change it for anything, if that makes any sense. I sat straddling his chair on his lap, and hugged him, which he seemed to enjoy. I'm so thankful, and grateful to God for getting me through the holidays, and everyday. I've had some people say it's so hard for them to see Kenn sitting there this way, so they don't want to visit him. It's not any easier for me either. This is my mate of 35 years. I think it's probably harder for me, but I just need to suck it up, because it's not about me, but what I need to do to keep him encouraged, keep him from getting depressed, and keep him from giving up. I've wanted to run from this responsibility so many times, that I can't even count, but this is my assignment for now. This is why I need to be so plugged into God, the fellowship, and doing ministry, to keep from being in self, and having a pity party, which is the worst thing I could do. I need to keep myself busy so I don't sit and dwell on memories. Maybe a lot of you can't understand this. I just know, if it wasn't for God, I would be long gone, or be in a mental institute some where. But,God has shown me, that I am being used by Him, to be an example to so many people through this. For me that's an honor, and a privilege to be used by God. I appreciate God so much for being my strength, because I can't do this myself. Praise God. Thank you so much, for the continued prayers. God bless all of you.
posted by kenn-winrich-support at
4:23 PM
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