Sat. June 2, 2012

Sat. 6/2/12
Greetings!!!   WOW!!!   The 6th month of the year.   Where is the time going?   My daycare girls have less than a week of school left, which is so hard to believe.   Boy, it's been difficult to figure blogger out, because of the way they have changed things, and me not knowing much about the programs, or computer.   I think I may have it now.   It sounds like Shawn's girls might be going to high school at LaFollette High School this fall, instead of going through a chartered school on the internet at home.   Jeremy lost his job driving a van for Capital Express, picking up clients to take them to doctor appointments, take them home when they got out of the hospital, or whatever they needed a ride for.   One day, he was waiting for a call to find out what time he was to meet with one of the owners, but instead, the guy texted him to say he was terminated from his job.   He couldn't call him into the office, and talk to him about it.   To this day he still don't know why, but he has an idea.   He doesn't mind, because there was a lot of games going on with those working in the office, and the owners.   He's getting unemployment so he doesn't care.   Esther's divorce is still no where being done, because now Russell is causing some problems.   I still do the supervised visitations with Russell, and his kids.   The court system is really frustrating, and messed up.   I went to visit Kenn on Memorial Day.   Esther and her kids went with.   He's staying stable.   No problems since Feb. with any seizures, or neurostorming.   During the visit, he sat with his eyes closed, not sure if he was sleeping.   I cut his hair, which is getting quite gray.   We took him outside, it was such a beautiful day.   Outside he opened his eyes, and sat with them open more.   I updated him on some things that's been happening with family, and friends.   At times he would frown at me, especially when I told him about a couple of our friends who were getting a divorce.   When I was asking him what he thought of my blond hair, he seemed to look intently at me.   The kids were so excited to go visit their grandpa.   The new building for the nursing home is really looking nice.   One day last month, I had some time after visiting Kenn, so I went across the street to get a tour of the place.   A lady took me around through the brain injury wing, because she works on that wing.   What a place!!!   Not sure when Kenn will be moving across, but it's to be sometime this summer.   On Fri. night April 20, I had put down my purpose, and focus, just to pick up emotions.    I had gone to visit Kenn in the afternoon of April 20, because I had no daycare kids.   I had not realized I laid down my focus, and purpose for being there, and picked up emotions.   I remember feeling frustrated when I left there.   That evening was to be a women's night out at the movies.   So instead of just going straight home, I just went to the theatre.   Big mistake.   The only people there was Pastor, and his wife.   No one else showed up.   Pastor told me that he could tell I was struggling when I walked in.  They went to get some popcorn, so I just went into the movie, so I ended up sitting by myself.   It was a very good movie, and I laughed during parts of it, it was called, Think Like A Man.   It just opened up some doors for me that has been closed for so long.   I left right away after the movie, and walking out to the van, I could tell I was in trouble.   When I got to the van, I started shaking, and crying.   I just cried out to God to help me, because I can't do this any more, it's just too hard.   All my flesh wanted to do was to run far away from here, and what I have to deal with, and never come back, just start a new life.   I just wanted to leave the kids to deal with their dad.   But God had me text Pastor, even though I didn't really want to talk to him or anyone.   I sat in the parking lot, not trusting myself to drive for 45 minutes, just crying out to God to help me, to be my Comforter, and whatever else I needed Him to be.   I texted Pastor telling him I had to give up, that I just can't do this any more.   He didn't get the text, because he had gone into another movie.   Then God had me try calling him, but I didn't really want to.   He happened to check his phone, and found I had tried calling and texting, so he called me just after I had started driving.   He could tell in my voice that I was struggling.   He said you'll make it, and he encouraged me.   I don't remember ever feeling that way since the accident,and  never want to feel it again, either.   The next day, I was listening to Pastor's message from that Tues. night, and he warned me that a test was coming, little did I know it would be 3 nights later.   In that message he explained what I had been dealing with just the night before.    Now I understand when Pastor says your emotions will have you making wrong decisions, and have you laying down your purpose and focus.   I was so willing to walk away from how far I have come in the last 7 years.   Talking to people about that night, they tell me I  can't give up, because seeing me at church every time gives them a reason to keep pressing through what they deal with.   They've told me that I can't go any where, because I'm such an inspiration to so many.   So God is so good to give me strength to just keep putting one foot in front of the other one, even on days when I just don't want to.   Then Sun. night I was talking with my neighbor about her son having a motorcycle accident, and suffering a brain injury to what degree they don't fully know.   Yes, he was wearing a helmet.   But that opened up some doors, because I knew exactly what she was dealing with.   He's getting better.   But then I got a call about my sister, and brother-in-law who had their Gold Wing motorcycle go up in flames, just minutes after they got off it along the road.   Talk about emotions.   Talking with someone after those 2 calls, they said yes the doors are going to still be open, because I can't bring closure to them yet.   So things like that will set off emotions.   So if you are still reading these updates, and praying, keep the prayers coming.   I sure need the prayers.   If any of you are still reading these, please drop me a comment letting me know.   Sorry it got so long.   God bless.