Mon. Sept. 15, 2008
9/15/08
I visited Kenn on Thurs. afternoon, when I was done with my meeting there in Juneau. He was storming again. I couldn't tell if he was actually seeing me or not because his pupils were dilated, but he did seem to look at me some. They had him in bed because his legs were so stiff and they don't want him sliding out of his wheelchair. During the time I was there the nurse gave him 2 dosages of meds to calm him down. When I left he had calmed down and had fallen asleep. One of the CNA's has told me it looks like he smiles a little especially when she shampoos his hair. Sun. I visited again, and the same CNA helped change him. She thought it looked like he had a small smile again, when we were talking. After I cleaned out his mouth, I gave him some water on a spoon like I do and then I also gave him a few spoons of jello, which he swallowed fine. The rest of the visit he seemed quite tired. He was storming again this morning. They still haven't figured out how come he's been storming so much lately. I've started doing daycare for 2 more kids as of the Tues. after Labor Day. It's 2 little boys who are brothers. They are 1 and 2 1/2 years old. So now I have 2 1 year olds, a 2 1/2, and a 4 1/2. Some days I just have 2 kids depending on the week, but I'm still helping homeschool the granddaughters. I have to walk the 4 1/2 year old 2 blocks over to the YMCA for preschool 3 mornings a week, which can make it interesting some days having 3 in a stroller. Wed. I had the back wheel come off while at the YMCA picking the older one up from preschool. What a hassle to keep kicking the wheel back on before it fell off or bending down to put the wheel back on because it fell off, but we made it back here and I got it fixed. Today I just had the 2 boys, so for the most part it was an easy day, but my emotions ambushed me again. I had found a cassette tape with Hawaiian music, so I put it on. Big mistake. I had to turn it off. Pastor explained later to me that the reason I can't handle listening to it, is it reminds me of a happy time with Kenn, when we went to Hawaii about 16 years ago. Last Thurs. when I was draining the pool, I got ambushed by emotions and then again today when I went out there to just look in the pool, the emotions tried to get me again. Having to drain the pool, is more than just draining it. It's taking my place of escape away and that's why I got ambushed. When Pastor found out that Sun. it will be our 35th anniversary, he figures that's the problem. He warned me I will most likely have an emotional week and any little thing can ambush me. When driving to the bank this afternoon just seeing a couple out for a walk, my emotions tried to ambush me. I didn't go to the support meeting across from Kenn tonight, because I just didn't want to hear anything about brain injury. Pastor agreed it could set me off again. So tonight, I went to my Zumba class and then went to sit at the dance studio for awhile, so I wouldn't be home by myself. Tues. I have a dance lesson and then church. I'm a little apprehensive what it will be like on Sun. though. I've also sponsored half the day on Sun. in honor of our anniversary. I can tell I'm going to need heavy duty prayer this week and I can't be home much after the kids leave, because the walls will close in on me. I have to keep busy so my thoughts can't take over. You would never think it could be this hard to keep your emotions and thoughts under control, but it is. I really, really, really, appreciate all your prayers all the time, but especially this week. Thank you so much.
I visited Kenn on Thurs. afternoon, when I was done with my meeting there in Juneau. He was storming again. I couldn't tell if he was actually seeing me or not because his pupils were dilated, but he did seem to look at me some. They had him in bed because his legs were so stiff and they don't want him sliding out of his wheelchair. During the time I was there the nurse gave him 2 dosages of meds to calm him down. When I left he had calmed down and had fallen asleep. One of the CNA's has told me it looks like he smiles a little especially when she shampoos his hair. Sun. I visited again, and the same CNA helped change him. She thought it looked like he had a small smile again, when we were talking. After I cleaned out his mouth, I gave him some water on a spoon like I do and then I also gave him a few spoons of jello, which he swallowed fine. The rest of the visit he seemed quite tired. He was storming again this morning. They still haven't figured out how come he's been storming so much lately. I've started doing daycare for 2 more kids as of the Tues. after Labor Day. It's 2 little boys who are brothers. They are 1 and 2 1/2 years old. So now I have 2 1 year olds, a 2 1/2, and a 4 1/2. Some days I just have 2 kids depending on the week, but I'm still helping homeschool the granddaughters. I have to walk the 4 1/2 year old 2 blocks over to the YMCA for preschool 3 mornings a week, which can make it interesting some days having 3 in a stroller. Wed. I had the back wheel come off while at the YMCA picking the older one up from preschool. What a hassle to keep kicking the wheel back on before it fell off or bending down to put the wheel back on because it fell off, but we made it back here and I got it fixed. Today I just had the 2 boys, so for the most part it was an easy day, but my emotions ambushed me again. I had found a cassette tape with Hawaiian music, so I put it on. Big mistake. I had to turn it off. Pastor explained later to me that the reason I can't handle listening to it, is it reminds me of a happy time with Kenn, when we went to Hawaii about 16 years ago. Last Thurs. when I was draining the pool, I got ambushed by emotions and then again today when I went out there to just look in the pool, the emotions tried to get me again. Having to drain the pool, is more than just draining it. It's taking my place of escape away and that's why I got ambushed. When Pastor found out that Sun. it will be our 35th anniversary, he figures that's the problem. He warned me I will most likely have an emotional week and any little thing can ambush me. When driving to the bank this afternoon just seeing a couple out for a walk, my emotions tried to ambush me. I didn't go to the support meeting across from Kenn tonight, because I just didn't want to hear anything about brain injury. Pastor agreed it could set me off again. So tonight, I went to my Zumba class and then went to sit at the dance studio for awhile, so I wouldn't be home by myself. Tues. I have a dance lesson and then church. I'm a little apprehensive what it will be like on Sun. though. I've also sponsored half the day on Sun. in honor of our anniversary. I can tell I'm going to need heavy duty prayer this week and I can't be home much after the kids leave, because the walls will close in on me. I have to keep busy so my thoughts can't take over. You would never think it could be this hard to keep your emotions and thoughts under control, but it is. I really, really, really, appreciate all your prayers all the time, but especially this week. Thank you so much.
posted by kenn-winrich-support at
8:56 PM
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