Sat. July 10, 2010

7/10/10
I just can't believe the summer is half gone, already. I found it was so nice a week ago, to be back having a dance lesson. I had a few problems focusing, since it had been 3 weeks without a lesson. We worked on the tango, which my instructor thinks I should try doing a tango routine, since I haven't done one yet. In my dance lesson yesterday, we danced different dances, which we found out I was kind of rusty on now, after working so much on my waltz routine. It's also been so nice, to be back at my zumba aerobic workout on Mon. nights. Boy, have I found out, that I really need zumba, and my dance lessons, to focus on something different, and it lets me be someone else if I so choose to. A week ago Tues. afternoon, I got together with a few people from House of Praise. They had come for the memorial service to be held that night. Oh man, was it hard to see everyone. The emotions, and thoughts were so overwhelming, I couldn't believe it. I had everything I could do to keep my emotions under control, and not go running out of there. Every so often a tear would slip out, before I could stop it. I am so glad I didn't attend the memorial service, if just that was hard. I went to church instead, but I still had trouble staying focused on what was being said in the message. Last Wed. night during the memorial service at our church, I couldn't be home. I had to be out, and about doing something instead, just to keep busy. Some people have told me, that I just need to deal with it, and stop running from it. I've had it explained to me that actually, it's easier said than done, because if it's not done when it's God's timing, and I force it, I could really end up in a big tizzy, or even having a nervous breakdown, which isn't good either. What people don't understand is that, if I give into my emotions, and thoughts, they can consume me so much that I could loose my focus. If I loose my focus, then I could see things as so negative, and walk away to leave the kids to take over, which they aren't equipped to handle the way I do. I know this probably sounds crazy, but I just need to deal with things a little at a time. I know there's still things that I need to deal with. I keep evaluating things, am I doing all that I'm supposed to, are my priorities right, and the list can go on. I've had it shown to me, that what I'm walking through, and dealing with on a daily basis, is nothing the average person is equipped to handle, but it takes a unique person, who God has ordained to walk the journey, because it is a tough one, but a very rewarding one. I've gotten to see God work is such profound, and extraordinary ways, that so many believers never get to see or experience. The relationship you develop with God becomes so much deeper than most ever experience. God is so awesome, and magnificent. I just need to remember that I'm victorious, a conqueror, and that I can do this walk with Him by my side, and giving me the strength. Late afternoon on July 4th, I went over to Shawn's house, and spent some time with the kids, and grand kids, before going to visit Kenn, early evening. I didn't go to any fireworks Sat. or Sun. night, because I didn't want to get bit up by mosquitoes, or deal with traffic. Kenn was very alert, when I visited him. I took him out for a short walk across the street, because of the mosquitoes. His responses are amazing when he's alert. He has some times when all he wants to do is sleep. Shawn just stopped by, and he helped me with a few things, which was nice to get done. God is so good. God bless.