Wed. March 19, 2008

3/19/08 I finally got my car fixed yesterday so now I can go to visit Kenn with it whenever I want too. It feels great. I couldn't go visit him this past weekend because I couldn't take my car that distance and no one had a vehicle available for me to borrow. Sat. I was O.K. with not going. Sat. night I went to a prayer group that some friends go to. I ran into some people I knew which I haven't seen for a long time. When the group were praying for me they told me they sensed I was tired from dealing with everything. I said yes so they said they were there to hold up my hands. Sun. afternoon I sat crying because I missed being with Kenn so much. I watched a couple videos that had him in and Esther's wedding was one of them. It was so nice to see him walking and to hear his voice talking. Mon. morning it was a crappy morning for me because when I took my car over to get fixed I found out they might not get it done in time for me to go to the Brain Injury Support Meeting and visit Kenn that night. Jenny came over before going to work mid-afternoon and when she found out I wasn't getting my car back to be able to go to the meeting, she told me to take her car. I ended up taking her to work so I could go. I visited Kenn before the meeting for a short time and he was very alert. The nurse Brenda told me she had worked a few mornings in the last week and Kenn was very alert. It was great to hear. She also told me that Dean and Jaimie Cook from House of Praise had been visiting him a few times. I was excited to hear that. Mon. night after the meeting I went back to spend time with Kenn. He had his eyes shut but when I started talking to him he opened them. I put my nose against his and he would focus on me. I assured him there still was no one else to take his place. I also took his so called boots off and massaged his feet. Then I took his hands one at a time and told him to relax his fingers so I could massage his hand. He did it. It was wonderful to have him so responsive and alert. I told him I would take him home with me in a heart beat if I could but that I couldn't. I started crying in front of him because I just didn't want to leave him. I made it back just in time to pick up Jenny from work. She told me she knew I needed to visit him. Someone has told me they sense that I'm Kenn's angel of life and that he really needs me to visit him when I can. Talking with Dean and Jaimie about their visits with Kenn, they said he is very alert and they can tell he's listening to them. They pray with him and talk to him about God. They feel they are to do this for now. I say GREAT!!! Last night after the faith training session, I met with Pastor Erick. He sensed too that I'm tired and things are getting to be too much to deal with. He also told me that I have a great gift of counseling which I told him I knew. Many have told me so. He could also feel music oozing out of my pores. I told him praise music is a comfort and peace for me when I'm being attacked by the enemy. He also gave me his own personal cell to call if I'm having a hard time. He told me he can't believe how strong I am. He would like to get me involved in counseling someone and mentoring. He told me that I have to stay busy or the enemy is going to try to get me more and he would also like to meet once a week with me to see how I'm doing. That would be great. I'm finding I need people to come along side me now because it's getting harder to deal with things. You'd think it would be easier now that it's been over 3 years but it's seems harder. I still feel so lost and feel like I'm just wandering around. My list of things just seems to keep growing and it gets so overwhelming. But I can now say I've been checking into refinancing the house and it looks very good to go for it. That's something I can now cross off my list. I also talked to someone at my car insurance company about some insurance questions and other questions. I will be meeting with the agent some time next month to go over some concerns. I guess I have some very legit concerns. Esther and her family are planning on meeting me Sat. afternoon where Kenn is and then coming her for the night, we'll have Easter dinner and they will leave mid-afternoon on Sun. So we'll get to see little Mason again. Yeah!!! The 28-30 is a dance competition in Appleton. No I won't be competing but I might go to watch some of it on the 29. Last week I made it to 3 group classes, the dance Fri. night and my private lesson, but this week I haven't made it to any group classes yet because of having a meeting Mon. night and Tues. night. I'm planning to go for class Thurs. night and then to the dance Fri. night. Happy Easter to all of you. Thanks for continued prayers.