Mon. March 10, 2008

3/10/08 Where do I start? Over a month of not needing any sleeping aid. Praise God!! Some days it's been like a zoo here, so the saying goes. Last week Shawn's youngest, Kaili, was having a bad day and kept writing on her school paper, "I hate my life." She was also crying and I held her for awhile. The more God is showing me the more He is having me here as someone stable for the girls even though I don't feel so stable. Wed. Jeremy sold his Blazer to a co-worker, so he was without a vehicle for a few days. Thurs. to get to work he borrowed my car. After work Jeremy and Shawn went to look at a '99 Toyota 4- Runner in Waunakee. Awhile after he came home, I went to take Justice home because Kaili was staying here, I felt something pop when I pressed in on the brakes. I had very little brakes to take Justice home. Fri. morning I had an appointment set up to get the exhaust replaced on my car so I had them look at my brakes. Come to find out I had a hose split on the brakes. They repaired that but couldn't replace the exhaust because of too much rust. I need a whole new exhaust system. But they also found some other things wrong with it such as a left loose tie rod, so when I turn left it makes a funny noise. Fri. late afternoon, Kaili and I were to leave for Green Bay until late Tues. afternoon, but the mechanic told me he wouldn't advise me to take my car that distance with the tie rod the way it is. I even considered renting a vehicle but all the kids said it would be too expensive. I cried alot because I needed to get away. Everything seems to be closing in on me. I ended up being a taxi taking Jeremy to pick up the 4-Runner and then Justice to pick up her friend from the trailer park where they used to live. Kaili stayed again Fri. night. Sat. Jeremy, Kaili and I went to see a movie in the afternoon. Last Mon. night 3 of Jeremy's friends, Shawn, Jenny, the girls, Amanda, her baby boy and I went out for supper at Outback, for his 33 birthday. Yes, our oldest turned 33 last Mon. I just doesn't seem possible. Sun. afternoon, Jeremy drove me to visit his dad. Esther and her family also visited him. It was so nice to see Mason. He was glad to see me too. He jabbered to me and let me hold him. He was walking all over. Everyone there thought he was such a cutie, which he is. Kenn was alert alot of the time. He listened to a speaker on a CD. After we left, Esther sat talking to her dad because he was alert and looking around. No daycare kids today or tomorrow, so that's why I was planning to be gone for 4 days. I have to get yearly papers filled out for Guardianship, get stuff sent to CPA for taxes, and I'm checking into getting the house refinanced. So much to do. My head feels like its spinning some days. Last week I didn't make it to dance at all but made it tonight to group dance class. I'm going to try to make it more. Marianne, when I read you were going on vacation I said can I go too. I just don't dare to be more than 2-3 hours away from Kenn. Praise be to God for giving me the strength to keep going even though some days I don't want to.